He who matters all

i felt touched after reading her blog. she has been away from god for some time. and now she's finding her way back. 'i make it a point to go to church every weekend. i need god.' that's what she wrote.

i've always envy those with great urge to seek god. those that make it to church eventhough their family are all against him being a christian. those that crave for god every single second of their life. those with this huge hole in their hearts that they know can only be filled with god's love. they are so strong and firm in god that i feel so incomparable and just plain sad.

i guess being born in a christian family isn't all that glamorous after all. i was taught from young to fill in the religion blank on forms with the word christian. i was taught to pray and read the bible. i was taught that god is THE god and he loves me so very much that he gave me his son. he gave us all his son. what more can i want or need other than this. but somehow along life's way i discovered that i can't really feel it anymore. the passion and strife for his words. i've been too distracted in life. in all the small, petty things that i can no longer see what matters the most. Him.

i had it the easy way. i didn't have to fight with my family every weekend just to go to church. i don't have to anger my grandparents just because i chose a religion different from theirs. i didn't have to choose to be a christian. and i guess i took god for granted. god gave me a wake-up call through my friend. he wants me to go back to him. to choose him above all other things. to know that he still loves me even when i'm so downright stupid and blind to see that. i see it now. and i'm gonna make a change in my life.

pray for me.